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The Terse Movie
Reviewer
My Humorous Movie Reviews: When You Don't Have Time to Read the Best.... |
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New "Gibby" Rating System! New "Gibby" Rating System! New "Gibby" Rating System!
~ 5 Gibbys = Highest Rating, down to 1 Gibby = Lowest Rating ~
 "Gibby": the Glorious Movie-Reviewing Shih Tzu! Yes, he attends all reviewed movies.
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Listed in order of Key Grip's last name:
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Blind Newt: Singer-Songwriter-Guitarist
I co-own Filibi.com: Quite simply the most generous business online. "YOU FIRST, us second."
141. RIGHTEOUS KILL ~
Surprisingly good considering the reviews I'd seen. My son, Casey, gave it to me
for my birthday and we finally watched it on his. BadafuckingBing!= 4 Gibbys.
140. CADILLAC RECORDS ~
= An obvious feature-length commercial for the car company formerly known as GM. Why
did they have to horrendously deviate from the real story? The only thing that saves it is the awesome
music. But, a lotta blues icons are rolling in their graves. 3 Gibbys.
139. PUBLIC ENEMIES ~
J. Edgar Hoover never even dons a dress. What a disappointment. = 3 Gibbys.
138. THE HANGOVER ~
Take 2 roofies and call me in the morning. Hilarious. = 4 1/2 Gibbys.
137. THINGS WE LOST IN THE FIRE ~
About as uplifting as checking your 401(k) statement. = 1 1/2 Gibbys.
136. MICHAEL CLAYTON ~
The Cloonster adds yet another notch to his ever-growing movie mystique. = 4 Gibbys.
135. THE HEARTBREAK KID ~
The original was far better. However, this version was far bitchier. = 2 1/2 Gibbys.
134. STAR TREK ~
Though it needed more sex and blatant nudity, this film was a blast. = 4 Gibbys.
133. PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHEST ~
It was interesting to see Somali pirates in the old days. = 2 Gibbys.
132. SEX IN THE CITY ~
Pretty much all about sex in a city. = 2 1/2 Gibbys.
131. NIGHTS IN RODANTHE ~
Lamer than my right leg after racquetball. = 2 Gibbys.
130. MADAGASCAR: ESCAPE 2 AFRICA ~
This one struck me as having an animated appearance. = 3 1/2 Gibbys.
129. SUPERBAD ~
Wear a diaper while watching. = 5 Gibbys.
128. BURN AFTER READING ~
CIA events leading up to Bush and Cheney's invasion of Iraq are chronicled.
Rating = 4 Gibbys.
127. PINEAPPLE EXPRESS ~
This film should be mandatory viewing for all students in the D.A.R.E. Program.
Rating = 3 Gibbys.
126. MIRRORS ~
If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times: ya don't go into eerie historic
insane asylums-turned department stores that have burned down,
let alone go into the basement or look into any mirrors. God, get an IQ, Kiefer.
This movie was damn near a 3-barfer.
Rating = 3 1/2 Gibbys.
125. STAR WARS: THE CLONE WARS ~
Gumby goes to Huttville.
Rating = 2 Gibbys.
124. THE DARK KNIGHT ~
The reason you go to movies. Talk about forgetting you have a cell phone,
a computer, bills, deadlines, stress, a goiter...
Rating = 5 Gibbys.
123. INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL ~
Lotta' weird stuff, lotta' action, lotta' noise, lotta' surprises, lotta' commotion , lotta' hit movie.
Rating = 4 Gibbys.
122. FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL ~ Exact same thing happened to me. Rocker "Aldous Snow" is a dead ringer for a young George Harrison. Rating = 4 1/2 Gibbys.
121. 21 ~ Real "blackjacky." Rating = 2 1/2 Gibbys.
120. THERE WILL BE BLOOD ~ Thinly veiled biography of Dick Cheney. Rating = 2 Gibbys.
119. CHARLIE WILSON'S WAR ~ How we helped enable the terrorists to kick Bush's ass.
Not suitable for neocons. Rating = 4 1/2 Gibbys.
118. WALK HARD: THE DEWEY COX STORY ~ How can you write a funny review of a movie that was so damn funny already? Rating = 4 1/2 Gibbys.
117. THE MILAGRO BEANFIELD WAR ~ "Shew" and Madeleine loved it, so that's good enough for me. However, it did ruin me for ever using an outhouse again. Rating = 4 Gibbys.
116. A RIVER RUNS THROUGH IT ~ I swear to you, the closing credits say "No fish were killed in the filming of this movie" (no joke). That says it all. A young Brad Pitt portrays John-Boy Walton. Rating = 4 1/2 Gibbys.
115. MYSTIC RIVER ~ A couple of unfortunate phone calls made the film even more mystical than it should have been. I got a second-hand hangover watching those guys drink, too. Rating = 4 Gibbys.
114. KNOCKED UP ~ A story line that real-life stoner-schleps can only pipe dream about. It falls somewhere between Love Story and porn. Rating = 4 1/2 Gibbys.
113. FRACTURE ~ It must have been well done because I could actually follow it. Hannibal Lecter gives another stunning performance. Rating = 4 Gibbys.
112. TMNT (TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES) ~ Very entertaining for an animated feature. I am SO hot for April O'Neil. Does she have a real-life counterpart I can contact? Rating = 3 1/2 Gibbys.
111. MUSIC & LYRICS ~ A cutesy little romantic tale about under-the-grand-piano sex. Ivories were tickled, nyuk-nyuk (shout out to The Three Stooges)! Rating = 3 Gibbys.
110. DELIVERANCE ~ Na-na-na-na-na? Na-na-na-na-na. Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na? Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na. Rating = 5 Gibbys.
109. THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST ~ The autobiography of a young Mel Gibson, tracing his anti-Semitic and Holocaust-denying roots. Dazzling! Rating = 5 Gibbys.
108. A PRAIRIE HOME COMPANION ~ There's a reason this radio show is ON THE RADIO! It shoulda' stayed there. A sad ending to Robert Altman's brilliant career. Rating = 1 Gibby.
107. ZODIAC ~ ݟ | | | |
